


That Would be Enough

by monicasnothelpful



Series: Introspective Shadowhunters Rambles [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Drabble, Introspection, Love, M/M, Magic, Other, Post season 3a, SPOILERS THROUGH 3x10, introspective, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 05:25:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15405933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monicasnothelpful/pseuds/monicasnothelpful
Summary: Magnus is left alone with his thoughts as he waits for Alec to wake up after 3x10. Introspective angst (but it's okay i promise)Title from Hamilton





	That Would be Enough

**Author's Note:**

> ive been in my feels so here u go, unbetad, all mistakes are mine, only a drabble because i cannot commit to ANYTHING

It was nearing 6 AM when Maryse finally managed to drag Izzy and Max to bed, Robert asleep on a bench in the hallway. Jace had to be sedated to stop him from trying to go after Clary or doing something equally reckless, agitated by his parabatai’s unresponsiveness, despite Catarina and multiple Nephilim healers assuring him that Alec would simply need to sleep off his injuries. Adamas inflicted wounds were no joke, even to strong, healthy, angel-blooded warriors like Alec. Izzy, acting as head of the institute while Alec was recovering, ordered her brother to be sedated, and Catarina had to hold him down with magic for the Nephilim to be able to get the needle into his neck. He had glared at his sister with betrayal in his eyes as he went down, and he was now resting heavily in the hospital bed next to his parabatai’s.

Magnus was simultaneously anxiously awaiting and dreading Alec waking from his slumber. He was not sure if he was ready to face him. In the chaos of the battle, Magnus had rushed through the explanation of why he could not heal his boyfriend, and he doubted that either Jace or Alec had really registered what he had said, running on adrenaline and worried about their family as they were.

He didn’t regret his decision, even as he felt the crushing absence of his magic; he loved Alexander, he would give it up again to save Alec’s parabatai, to save an essential part of Alec’s soul. Still, the weight of his decision and the absence of his magic left Magnus feeling raw and vulnerable, physically and emotionally. He would have to explain to Alexander what he had traded away for him, and that, Magnus knew that Alec would know, was more a confession of love than any other words or actions Magnus had ever given him. Magnus had loved people before Alexander, many people, he had even loved people that he had thought would be his last loves, but he had never even considered giving up his magic for them. Even for Camille, at his most infatuated with her, Magnus was doubtful that he would have done the same for her. Although, Camille did not love anyone the way that Alec and Jace loved each other, so he doubted any situation could have arisen that would have called for this response.

Now that the sun was beginning to shine through the stained-glass windows of the Institute’s infirmary, Magnus was worried that Alexander would not be able to bear the burden of such a confession from Magnus. Alec would never hurt him, not intentionally, but it would be perfectly reasonable for Alec to be overwhelmed, considering he and Magnus had known each other less than six months, and he had just told Alec they should wait to move in together. Magnus guessed that the ‘taking things slow’ ship had sailed when he’d sent himself to Edom to bargain with his father.

He could only hope that Alec was as invested in this relationship as he was. Alec had expressed discomfort at the thought of being just one in a long line of people that Magnus loved, of growing old while Magnus did not age, and now, Magnus thought bitterly, Alec would not have to worry about that. Alec would be the last of Magnus’ loves, the only that Magnus could grow old with. Alec would feel relieved, probably, and overwhelmed with guilt for feeling that way.  
On top of all of that, Magnus was a mundane now, and he’d have to learn how to fight without magic, how to protect himself, otherwise Alec would spend all his time worrying about protecting Magnus and forget to watch out for himself. Magnus sympathized with Alec’s previous wish to not become a burden to Magnus; now Magnus would be the burden to Alec, the one who would be weak and need protecting.

Magnus shook his head, watching the way the light from the windows washed over Alec’s pale skin, his hair a shock of black against the stark white sheets.  
I love you, he thought. Alec’s fingers twitched, drawing Magnus’ eyes to the simple leather bracelet that Magnus had bought for him. Alec had refused to take it off after Magnus had given it to him. Alexander loves me, too, he reminded himself.

That would have to be enough.

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me at @monixawrites on twitter


End file.
